I DO NOT mean for Filipinas, most especially, to break up with their Filipino boyfriends or to dwell in self pity with their Filipino husbands; not that I encourage posting seductive photos on dating sites for foreign men, or I intend to persuade women to put up walls from Filipino suitors and only welcome those from other countries who pursue them.
It’s a case-to-case basis, cliché as it may be.
I’m just here to share some points (and you can argue, if you must) that I have realized and discovered from dating, and finally, marrying a foreigner.
1. You don’t have to work too hard to impress family and friends. Well, you know us, Filipinos. When it’s a foreigner being introduced to us, we are somewhat mesmerized, especially if they resemble our favorite Hollywood actors or actresses. So, you know, your family and friends can be easily “smitten” by that “mysterious, disarming aura” of a foreigner at first meeting, and he can impress them more if he showcases his “expertise” of the basic words you taught him. Oh, don’t forget his accent to die for!
2. You get married in two “traditions”. It may sound tough, but it’s actually exciting doing research on what your hubby-to-be’s wedding tradition is. In the Philippines, it seems like all the financial responsibilities fall on the guy’s shoulders. In the Western world, it’s the opposite—simply because it’s considered to be the last time for the girl to spend; once they’re married, the husband is automatically the provider. Families in the Philippines may argue, and families of your foreigner hubby-to-be may also argue, but you can always come up with a win-win situation—split the bill! When it comes to the reception, some foreigners are conservative, like my hubby and his family. They only wanted 50 guests for our wedding. But gosh, I have a big family and I grew up with different sets of friends and 50 people isn’t possible. So, meet halfway we did-110 people (that’s a shortlist from 260).
3. You get to travel to both countries from time to time. For me, traveling is heaven on earth. Since you are from two different countries, visits to families cannot be evaded (and sometimes, you also go to foreign lands together as an escapade). And just enjoy every minute!
4. You adapt to ways that are different from yours. Yeah, like having wine for dinner. It’s not a practice in most households in the Philippines. Or eating using fork and knife (in Pinas, we either eat by hand or with spoon and fork). Use more moisturizers if you’re settling in his country, where there are four seasons, and make sure you use a hair dryer before going out in snow. One thing also is, when in the Philippines, driving is not really a must, well, in a foreign land, force yourself to learn to drive!
5. You learn to really use new languages and terminologies. Forget about corn, pickles, eggplants because it’s mealy, gherkins, brinjals. Forget about counter/cashier, because it’s till. Forget about pharmacy because it’s chemist. Forget about a regular doctor, refer to him as GP…and a lot more! SO, you see, you become a multilingual yourself!
6. You get your photos taken with other foreigners. Well, taking photos with your hubby does that. But it’s also made possible when you hangout with his friends and even colleagues at work. You see, you’re always the guest (they treat you more hospitably and show you new things) when you’re around them.
7. You can earn a “celebrity status”, too. One time, my hubby’s colleagues told him, “We saw your wife sitting there in the restaurant and we didn’t know how to approach her. She was like a celebrity we saw only in photos and now, she’s here.” Oh well! And when I was with him at his work a couple of times, people I don’t know and even those I have never heard of from him before, just approached me out of nowhere and shook my hand. Whew! Whew! And those who didn’t meet me “blamed” my hubby.
8. You learn to say just “Yes” and “No”. No gray areas here, which I love. Most foreigners like their woman to be straightforward and to speak out her mind. If you don’t feel alright, you don’t have to pretend you do, because your foreigner spouse is seeing you as the ‘foreigner spouse’, as well. In the Philippine culture, in most cases, women tend to say “OK” and “Yes” even if she’s on fire with anger. Well, I’m loving it that when it’s argument time, I just have to say how I truly feel and my hubby does not get offended. Besides, honesty is very challenging. And I love challenges.
9. Your children will have two nationalities and will definitely speak 2 languages. Do I need to explain this?
10. You love him. This must be the very first reason why you married or you want to marry a foreigner. It’s not just about showing off or just for the sake of escaping poverty (because if this is your main reason, it’s not going to end well). You must love your foreigner spouse, that even when heavens and earth move, they cannot shake that love you have for him. Even if his family and friends and even yours interfere, you know you can fight for that love.
Smudges & Blots 